I’ve been thinking a lot lately about resilience and strength and care lately. Let me start with something I posted to Bluesky a couple of weeks back:

Hey. I just wanted to tell you: if you’re feeling anxious or afraid, that is okay. It’s okay to be afraid when things are out of control. It’s okay to feel your feelings. In fact, you must feel them in order to let them pass through you. It probably feels like this feeling in your body will last forever. It won’t last forever. You will smile again. You will laugh again. It might not be today. But, then again, it might be.

But it’s normal to feel that this feeling will be forever. It’s okay to have that thought. Events are moving very rapidly right now. We don’t know what’s going to happen. That is very scary. It is okay to be scared. The unknowability of the future is one of the scariest things there is.

But this time will not last forever.

In fact, the future has always been unknown. We have never been able to say for sure what will happen tomorrow, next week, next year. It is a comfort to feel we know what our story will be, but that was always just a story.

Acknowledging that the future has always been unknown is difficult and scary. Acknowledging how little control we have over our lives is difficult and scary. But you can do this. I believe in you. Maybe you can’t do it today. Maybe not tomorrow. But you will. I believe in you.

And the thing is? Even if we are not in control of our lives, and even if the future is unknown and scary, we are not walking into the future alone. You are not alone. You are a part of a great web of humanity. You are connected to other people, to other life, and to the earth. None of us can do this alone. None of us has to do it alone. We get through it together. Maybe that is with our loved ones or our friends. Maybe it is with our community. Maybe it is with strangers on the internet. I don’t know what it looks like for you. But none of us is truly as alone as we feel.

The people who are behind the events that are scaring you are trying to make you afraid. They are trying to make you feel isolated and helpless. They are trying to make you feel trapped and alone. But you are not alone. And you are not helpless. There is real power in connection. There is real sustenance in love. If we can respond to this fear, this attack, by turning toward our love and reaching for each other instead of retreating into solitude, it makes us stronger. It makes us more powerful. Who are the people you love? Who loves you?

Yes, call your representatives. Yes, contribute to your community resources. Yes, march and rally. But remember, too, that resilience is not something that comes only from within. It is something that we build together. It is something we support in each other. Strength flows from love. Take care of the people you can take care of. Allow others to take care of you. It looks different for each of us. But these things matter. Interdependence, community, love, these things matter whether it is a neighborhood or an organization or just two people. You are not alone.

And I hope you will remember, too, that letting someone give you their care and their love is a gift to them. Letting someone help you is a gift to them. I hope you will let yourself believe you are worthy of love and care, because you are. And because those who want to love you deserve to do so.

I know you’re doing your best. I’m doing my best, too. Take care.

“Resilience is not something that comes only from within. It is something that we build together.” That’s the thing I’ve been thinking about almost every day for weeks now.

Especially for those of us who have had to be emotionally independent for one reason or another, whether due to neglect or abuse or whatever, we can have this idea that we have to do things on our own. That the ultimate responsibility for our own wellbeing lies in ourselves. And there is a truth to that. We are responsible for our own emotions. We are responsible for our own choices. We are responsible for our own behaviors. Acknowledging this truth and integrating it into my life has been the single greatest adjustment I’ve made in terms of being able to do good in this world, to be compassionate and kind—in short, to be the kind of person I want to be.

But the other thing that has been so important for me to learn and integrate is how much easier it is to be strong, to be resilient, to live according to my values, when I am supported.

Consider a particularly resilient little plant: the dandelion. Dandelions will grow anywhere they can find a tiny little space. They will grow through cracks in concrete. They will grow in shallow clay soil. They will grow with little moisture, in heat, in shade. They’re hardy and will survive in pretty hostile environments. But there’s a difference between surviving and thriving, and dandelions do grow better, bigger, fuller, when they’re given good soil, enough water, and sunlight. When they’re given what they need.

We do all have the capacity to make choices that align with our values, even when times are difficult. But it is so much easier to make those choices when we are nourished, when we are supported, when we are loved. When we have the resources to be able to turn our minds towards our values instead of our survival.

What feeds you? What makes you feel supported? Who offers that to you? And to whom can you offer the same?